While waiting for my hotdogs in the drive-thru of Freddys, the kid at the window took one look at my passenger seat and gasped. “Have a fun night?” he asked.
Flattered he thought I did this much work in one night, I awkwardly laughed, “Boy, good art takes longer than one night.”
Sorry for your loss, originated near the end of November 2022, where I began to use my perpetual empty passenger seat as a trash can for my unhealthy diet, grief and depression.
When I ordered the exhibition vinyl in June, my mom misread it and thought it said, Sorry for the mess, which honestly, perhaps a more accurate show title.
On the one hand I have no idea what this project is. Is it art? Is it laziness? Is it merely performative? Practically speaking, this project is visual reflection of my life over the past year.
To put it lightly, I have been a mess. You are what you eat, they say.
In the span of 9 months, I lost the three things I was most attached to, loved the most, and who loved me the most. The deli, my best friend, and my grandma.
Everyone carries love and loss in their own way, the big ones, the small ones, our personal struggles with laziness and labor in the midst of grief. Some of these losses are kept private, others made public as an outlet to cope, to mourn, to celebrate what was.
Sorry for your loss, began in real life privately in the midst of lonely grief, but grew publicly via Instagram. Reactions to the trash in my car became increasingly polarizing. Comments, critiques, disgust, trolling, Let it Rise. It began personally but ended performatively.
It’s been a delicate dance of what to share, how much to share, and what to hold close. There’s comfort in public mourning, the rituals of a funeral, letting people in. At the same time, we don’t always have the words to say, and our thoughts wrapped in good intention, land empty, feel cliche, a throwaway, and yet even knowing all this, sometimes the best we can truly offer is, “sorry for your loss,”
This car is a container for my grief, for my loss, for my unhealthy mess, and wrappers of healing and laughter, Let’s be honest this is kinda funny. Live laugh love.
Today here on the second story of a JC Penny parking lot, I will poetically list aloud every article of trash I remove from the car into a clear trash bag. The performance will end when I find a 10 dollar gift card to Auntie Anne’s. We will collectively walk single file into the mall, down the escalator and share $10 worth of soft pretzels.
I hope that through this new-to-me ritual of cleaning my car I will be able to move forward, to let go, to finally be able to switch gears, to start fresh while leaving space for new memories. A new beginning, beep beep.
Unfortunately the performance was cut short due to not one but two mall cops. They warned that the police had us on their radar and we must abort immediately.
I then photographed each piece of trash and tossed. Below is a complete list of materials used in installation. WIP
MATERIAL LIST:
